As usual, there have been lots of things that have happened and I just haven't known exactly how to post them, so I put it off. I'm sorry. I started this thing as a kind of "journal" for myself and I have felt badly I have not kept up on it regularly. I read so many fun things about my friends and I get so inspired by many of them in the way they describe their lives and loves. I get to feeling that I really don't have much for anyone to be interested in, so I let myself get talked out of spending the few minutes it takes to jot down my feelings. Most of the time, I'm sure, I am not one who would be considered an inspiration, but there are times I know I am. I know I can be an inspiration to those who love music, to those who love me and to those who use me as an example.
I have been so fortunate to have been taught many things in my life and have spent time developing talents the Lord has so graciously shared with me. I feel overwhelmed a lot when I take time to count my blessings. I don't count my blessings as often as I should, or I would be a better person than I am. That is what I want to kind of touch on this early morning - blessings.
I just got out of the hospital. It started off by my going to the doctor inquiring about my big toe. Details.... A couple of months ago, I made an interesting discovery - I had a terrible fungus on my big toes. Both nails have become so hideous because of it, I am embarrased to even admit they are mine! I had been going to a "nail" place to have a pedicure about every month. I gave this to myself explaining to myself it was easier for them to cut my toenails than myself because I did have a tendency to cut more than nail when I went to work on them. Being diabetic, I knew I didn't want to cause myself wounds that would be difficult to heal, etc., so I had a good excuse to let someone else pamper me for a few minutes.
With each pedicure, I would let them put nail polish on my toes and I got in the habit of wearing sandals, etc. to show off those "beautiful" toes! (I have to laugh a little here because when I was younger, I had sworn to myself and my friends that I would never wear makeup or do anything like that - let alone get my toenails painted! Oh, the folly of my youth!) I had even found a color I felt went with everything I wore so I wouldn't be considered a fashion dingbat. Well, when I would sit there, I would get absorbed in doing word puzzles or reading and would not pay close attention to what was happening with my feet. I usually wanted to fall asleep as they would massage my legs and make me feel relaxed with their care of my feet.
I had let time go by and my toes needed a little attention - the nails had grown so long I was finding myself perching on the end of the bed - so I decided to take matters into my own hands and trim my nails. I took off the paint and OH MY GOSH! Well - I have not returned to that place since and have been trying not to show my nails in public - OH MY GOSH!
The other day, I got up and got ready to go about my daily routine and because I was trying not to expose my toes, I put on a pair of tennis shoes. I had brought them back with me from Snowflake and thought they were mine - big mistake - they are a size too small and by the middle of the day, I was in pain. I knew I needed to get those shoes off, but was not where I could change them. When I got home and took them off, Nick mentioned my sock was bloody. Well - I knew I had probably rubbed a blister on the toe, but didn't think I had gotten that far - even though the pain should have made that obvious. I took off the sock and saw that I had basically hamburgered my toe. A few days later, that toe was beet red and I knew I was in trouble, so I made an appointment with the doctor.
In the meantime, I had been battling a little yeast infection that I knew was because of my lack of keeping myself regular in my blood sugars. Because of this, I had observed the beginning of a boil manifesting itself on my bottom end. Oh brother - those things are not fun. I remember reading something President Kimball wrote about when he was a Stake President and he was plagued with having to sit through multiple meetings with a burning boil on his bottom end. I understood completely his pain. Well - not only was this developing, I had noticed a sore on the inside of my left thigh - it was very painful - I couldn't walk, sit or stand without it letting me know of its presence. It was rediculous how painful this sucker was.
So - when I got to the doctor and showed him my toe, I decided I should say something about the other problems arising. I showed him the sore on my leg and he promptly said, "I'm going to send you to the Emergency Room at the hospital next door." ARE YOU KIDDING? I actually started to cry and asked why he was recommending such a drastic measure. He then explained that he was concerned about the sore on my leg. He didn't want to misdiagnose and just send me home with antibiotics, he wanted to be sure it wasn't the dreaded MRSA infection. Great! Here I go again - I had already been in the hospital last year with a blood clot in my leg and the scare of possible MRSA infections then. I didn't need to have that ugly thing brought back to me and scare all of family again!
OK - I spent a week in the hospital. While I was there, they did surgery on my leg. I now have the "meteor crater" on the inside of my left thigh! They decided to cut out all of the infection rather than spend months trying to take care of it with pills. They didn't know until a couple of days ago that it wasn't MRSA. This is one of the blessings I am counting. I dodged a bullet on this one and I know the Lord is the one who blessed me on that. I am now having to go through a therapy to heal this gaping wound - they have come up with a machine called the "wound vac." It is said to cut the healing of wounds like this in half. Another blessing I am counting right now. This is an amazing little machine and I am grateful technology has advanced so far. What a blessing!
While I was in the hospital, I had an interesting experience. Of course, as you probably know, you cannot get any rest while you sit in a hospital bed - people are coming in at all hours of the day and night either putting stuff into your arm or taking blood out, checking your temperature, your blood pressure, your oxygen level, your pain level, etc., etc., etc. Just as I would nod off to sleep, I was brought to that reality that I was the human pin cushion. I really tried to stay positive and cooperative. I met some wonderful people during that time - nurses and doctors who were really trying to make sure I left the hospital healthier than when I came in. They tried to make me feel as comfortable as they could, but they had to get the job done.
Well - one day I was sitting eating "lunch" when a young lady came in to clean the room. I wasn't paying much attention when she said, "You have the same birthday as me." That was interesting - we talked about that a little as she continued to clean. She then noticed my scriptures on my tray and asked me if I like to read the bible. I told her that I try to read it as often as I could. She said, "that sure is a big bible." I laughed a little and told her that it was actually a combination of a few books of scripture. I then asked her if she had heard of the Book of Mormon. She wasn't quite sure if she had or not, but had heard a little about the Mormons. Again - she was cleaning and our conversation wasn't as long as I was wanting it to be. She was ready to go into the next room, when I told her to come back before she left our area because I had something I wanted to give her.
Nick had brought me my bag that I kept my Sunday School scriptures in - which also has other manuals, etc. in it. He told me he had also grabbed a pocket sized Book of Mormon and put it in the bag. As this young lady left, I looked to see of that book was in the bag. It was - I wrote a note in the front of the book beginning with "Happy Birthday, June 12." She did come back in and I told her I was giving her this as a birthday present. You should have seen her face. It was such a nice smile. I told her to read it and to form her own opinion about it and not let anyone else tell her any different until she had the chance to read it for herself. It felt so good to share this special book with someone else. I knew the Lord had prepared that experience for me to take advantage of and I am glad I listened to the Spirit. I pray she takes the time to read it and gains a testimony of it.
I told Nick what I had done and asked him to go and get me a few more of the pocked sized books. I had also shared that little story with a couple of other people in my ward and the next thing I knew I was sitting in a hospital bed with nine Books of Mormon. The Bishop had heard what I had done and brought five of the books to the Relief Society second councilor to have them brought to me. She did that and was sitting there when Nick came in with his four he had bought for me. There I was - sitting in a bed - looking just absolutely "beautiful" and feeling just about as... with Books of Mormon there waiting for me to give to others. I had to laugh. What in the world and how in the world would I be able to give all of those away.
Well - you know - opportunities kept manifesting themselves and I offered and people took. I placed three more books and even approached one of the social workers that had come into the room to discuss my release from the hospital. She was really sweet and I knew I wanted to give her one - so I asked her if she had ever heard of the book and did she have one. Her answer took me by surprise, "yes, I have at least five of them at home." I, at first, didn't know what to say, then she said, "I'm a member - in fact I'm in the Relief Society Presidency in my ward." Wouldn't you know! I told her that I knew she was one that would appreciate a Book of Mormon and so that was why I asked. We both had a good laugh on that one.
It was this experience in the last week that has brought back to me how many blessings I have. I have been given an opportunity to make a difference in my life. I have been reminded how fragile our health is and how important it is to take care of ourselves. I truly want to make a difference in my life. I had a wonderful experience of being a missionary again and I want to keep that blessing alive. I am so grateful for all I have.
Forgive my rambling - I hope I have made some sense. I am now beginning to feel the sleep I had lost earlier working on my eyelids and know it is time to bring this post to a close. I want each of you that read this to know how grateful I am for you. You are some of the blessings I count. You are my inspiration to become a better person and be a better example. You inspire me to share my testimony and my talents with others and for this I thank you!
God bless each and everyone of you, until we meet again.....
Love,
Tawna
