It's time for another update.  Wish there had been something exciting happen, but all I can say is life keeps moving on.

Was up in Snowflake a couple of week-ends ago.  My sister took her family up to play in the snow.  I had the wonderful opportunity to take care of my nephew, Payt, and help Grandpa in the Barn.  Payt went down for a nap and Grandpa decided to utilize my time by putting in a couple of small speakers up on the ceiling of the Barn.  My dad is a hoot!  He wanted to have real "stereo" sound coming from his stereo and he felt the big speakers on the floor didn't give the true picture as they are very close together you only hear the stereo when you're up close.  Hence, new speakers up on the wall/ceiling.

My father is 76 years old this Friday.  He was going up and down the big tall ladders like a youngster.  I was totally amazed.  Of course he was glad when we were through running wires and hiding them along the corners.  When you go into the Barn, you will understand what a real fete this was for Daddy.  It was fun to spend time alone with my Dad.  He is one of the most wonderful people in the world!

I have been grateful for my understanding of my folks.  I knew from a very young age that my parents were not "born" parents.  I knew that they were learning with each one of us children.  It has been interesting watching how they have handled each of us and our little quirks and our funny ways.  Years ago, discipline was a little different than it is today.  The philosophy of "spare the rod, spoil the child" was almost strictly adhered to.  My Dad had grown up with a very stern father, who also had a very stern father, who had a stern father, etc.  This meant that when you did something you shouldn't, you were disciplined - usually with a belt or a willow or a strap - or a kick in the pants.  Today children are put into "time out" or "time away" or sent to their room for a time.  Only rarely do you see them paddled beforehand.  

I grew up knowing both sides of it.  And, as I reflect on this, I am grateful for the things I learned.  I do not hold anything against my folks for the discipline I received.  I was taught that there was a consequence for doing something wrong.  I think I am a better person because my folks took the time to teach me, talk to me, discipline me.  Sometimes it was a little uncomfortable, but I always knew my parents loved me.  I saw more tears shed because they didn't want to spank, but felt it was needed.

Then, as each of us grew up, the discipline changed somewhat.  It seems that the younger kids had more "talkin' toos" than me and my brother just younger.  I know that the younger ones did get a share on some of the other, but Mama and Daddy could see that they needed to discipline according to the child, not just for discipline's sake.  I believe my folks did a marvelous job raising my little brothers and sister.  The younger ones amaze me every day.  They have such beautiful families and have shown love to their children the same as they were shown growing up.  I think they're marvelous.

Anyone who raises a child is amazing to me - let alone raising many children.  I have wished I would have had the opportunity to raise a child in this life, but some of my own choices may have kept that from happening.  Marrying later in life kind of puts a little bit of a damper on "growin' your own," so I have accepted the fact that I will need to live worthy enough to have that blessing in the hereafter.  I have been promised children by the Lord and I know He will make good on that promise if I prove to Him I am worthy of that blessing.  But, for now, I have the opportunity to spoil my nieces and nephews.  I have appreciated the love these kids show to me and how they have accepted Uncle Nick.  We may not be the most active Aunt and Uncle, but I think they can see we have fun.

I get to spend a lot of time with my sister's children and have watched them grow and mature.  Of course her oldest, Rhett, has grown at least 6 inches in the last six months (I swear!) and his voice is getting a little deeper as we speak.  He's way taller than his mom and inching up on his dad.  Her oldest daughter, Brynn, is amazing in her talent with dancing.  She is going to be a real knockout and I think her parents are going to have to keep a bat by the door to chase off the fellers.  Then there's the third, Brooke, - what a voice!  And what talent in dancing herself.  Those blue eyes of hers just about knock you over and what I said about her older sister, just about goes double for her.  I have never heard a kid sing more - her sister comes a close second on that one.

Then there is my Payt.  What an angel boy.  He is growing so.  We are working with his speech and have thrilled when he starts to make sense with his words.  He still struggles with putting the beginnings and endings of the words there, but he is trying more and more to communicate using words - he signs some also.  I have noticed his singing to himself a lot more lately.  He likes to go look at the huge mirror in the hall and sing to himself and talk to himself.  He's a crack up!  He is showing a lot of character with facial expressions and such - he even mimics the girls when they throw tantrums.  Or, if one gets in trouble, Payt will show his concern and his love to that brother or sister by going up and hugging them or crying with them or running back to the bedroom with them to support them.  I have laughed and cried at these manifestations and feel the constant miracle of Payt and his progress.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to share with my brothers and sister and their children.  

My younger brother's kids are great.  I have watched the oldest, Tiffany, grow into a beautiful young woman getting ready to graduate from High School and go to college and play volleyball with the big girls.  She is very talented in volleyball!  I have had some good times with my sweetie!  Then there comes the oldest boy - Derek - Grandpa's shadow.  I really don't know what Grandpa would do with out him.  He takes care of the horses - saddles them up and rides and trains them.  Then he goes to work to earn a little money for his mission fund and just living life.  He plays great basketball, like his dad, wears his dad's suit and even look like his dad.  Grandma says she has trouble telling them apart if their back is to her.

Then comes our little/big man, Jordan.  I am absolutely amazed at his talents.  There is a lot to this kid.  He is great with others - everyone loves him.  He is his class president and you can really see why.  Next comes our Aubry.  What can I say - she has grown at least six inches too in the last six months - what are these kids eating?????  She is coming into her own - loves basketball and is good at it.  I haven't had the opportunity to see her games, but she tells me about them and I am glad she keeps me abreast to her activities.  Next comes Melany.  My Mel!  I will never forget her coming over to Grandma's and crawling into bed with Grandma just to snuggle.  She adores her Grandma Louise.  I am so glad she does.  She is so sweet and she is doing great with tumbling and stuff like that.  She'll be another knock out for sure!  Now - KAMY.  What can I say - she's the cutest thing walkin'!  She has such a cute personality.  I don't get to see her quite as much as I did the other kids because Nick and I got married and I moved away, but Kamy does recognize me and that makes me feel good.

Now - I can't not mention my other nephews.  Dallas' boys, Trenton and Dustin.  I love those two.  They are much older than the rest of the kids and grew up for the most part away from us, but they do remember spending a lot of time at Grandma and Grandpa's and feel it their home.  I am grateful they have that bond.  I pray for them in their choices.  Their father hasn't always been the greatest of examples for the good, but they did have a man, Mark, that helped their mother in raising them.  He tried very hard to do the right thing and I will always be grateful to him for that.  Trent is off to school and Dustin is still trying to figure things out.  I hope the best for them always.

I have a couple of others, my sister Rosemary's kids, Shandiin and Denver.  They grew up in Salt Lake City and we haven't been able to get very close.  I still love them and pray for them to make wise decisions, as does their mother.  Rosy is wonderful.  She has stayed faithful throughout much adversity and she has been a great example to me.  I love her very much.

Well - I was just planning on a short post, but wrote an epistle.  Thanks for reading.  I hope you got something good out of it.  I don't even know if anyone really reads this, but whatever the case, I love you.  Thanks again for being there!

Tawna

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!

I hope you have a wonderful day.

I was sitting here, trying to get tired enough to go back to bed and found myself reflecting on past Valentine's days.  I remember making one big special card that had a string on it and we would go knock on the door of some unsuspecting friend or family member, then run and hide behind a bush or something.  When they would answer the door and try to pick up the valentine, we would yank on the string and pull the valentine out of reach.  I remember trying not to laugh out loud when I would hear some of the comments.  It was fun to watch as the recipient would chase the card until they found us hiding and then all of us would laugh and have a good time about it.

I can remember how much fun it was to get valentine cards.  I would stay up late the night before and write the names of my friends on various cards my Mom had gotten for me - many times they were home-made.  I remember how thrilled I was to give these out.  This was my chance to tell some of the kids in my class that I liked them.  What was interesting to me was how on that one day, everyone was a little nicer.  I think it was because they were going to get something.  But be that as it may, we all seemed to look forward to see who was going to give us their valentine's cards.

I remember having a crush on a certain young man in Fourth grade.  I never told anyone who it was, and I'm not going to now, but I thought he was pretty cool.  I couldn't wait to give him a valentine's card.  I remember trying to be really sneaky and get my card into his desk.  It was one I had specially picked out and I knew no one else had that same card, so I would be able to see what kind of reaction he would give when he opened up that card.  I waited all day.  I was on pins and needles waiting to see if he liked me as much as I liked him.  I have to just laugh at me - I was not what you would call the most popular person in the class, and I often felt I was just a "friend of convenience" to the others my age.  I tried everything to be accepted, but went home many a day crying to my mother about something that had happened that day and how I felt a little mistreated, etc.  I have to say, I was sure glad I had my Mom.  She would say, "I'll go talk to their mother about this."  And I would panic and say, "Don't Mama - they will hate me even more if you do that."  Anyhow - such the dramatic life of a pre-teen.  (Teenage years weren't much different - I just had my violin I turned to when I was feeling rejected.)

Anyhow - back to the story.  I waited all day.  At the end of the day - just before we were release to go home, Mrs. Jackson let us open our valentine's cards.  I remember I had just a few cards, but some of the kids had hundreds!  I'm not kidding!  Well - this young man had hundreds.  I kept watching him to see if he would like the card I gave him.  I waited - I waited - I waited.  The bell rang and everyone ran out to go home.  I never did see him open my card!  I was crushed!  I remember walking home thinking all was lost - he would never know how much I liked him.  I'm sure you can kind of remember what that felt like.....  Well, a few days later, I don't remember what we were doing - I think we were practicing for our class program we were going to give in the gym - and this young man came up to me and quietly said, "Thanks for the Valentine."  That was all he said.  I could have died right there!!!  My heart skipped at least 12 beats and I felt like I was going to float right off the floor.  He had actually read my valentine.  WOW!  Needless to say, I dreamed about him for a while over that.  Then came Fifth grade - and he turned out to be a real jerk.  Oh well - it was great while it lasted.  Valentine's Day - 1967.  Isn't it funny how things jump back into your memory?  Never thought I would even remember that.

Well - thank goodness for forums like this, where I can just ramble on about memories and such.  Hope I didn't bore you with that memory, but it was fun recalling it.  I am just sitting here laughing out loud.

Hope you all have a good day!  May you all feel my love and know you are very special to me.  I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for special friends like you who have shared your life with me.  

YYY Hugs and Kisses! YYY

Tawna

Sleepless Night... Watch out for what you write in the middle of the night.....

Hi, Everybody!

I was sitting and listening to the music I had chosen for this blog and got to laughing at myself at some of the selections.  I have taken a couple of them off because they aren't necessarily a reflection of me.  

I added a few more, too.  I hope you like some of the selections.  I have had fun picking some of these.  I haven't scratched the surface and I know, my likes may not be your likes, so change the song if it isn't one you want to listen to.  I have it on a random selection, so it won't go by the listings.  There are 30 songs there, so don't think you have to listen to the first one that comes up.

I love music!  Isn't it wonderful to share in the talents of others!

Anyhow - couldn't sleep so I decided to "blog" a little while.  I have really enjoyed browsing the different blogs each of you follow.  You know, life is great!  We have so much to be thankful for.  Each of us have something unique to say about our families and our friends.  I am truly grateful for the friends I have and especially for the family I have.  Nick and I are truly blessed.  

Nick and I were talking about our family the other night and I was getting a kick out of his descriptions of growing up.  Of course, he says he doesn't really remember very much, but I have been able to pull a few things out of those cobwebs and it has been nice learning more about the fella I married.  

I am very grateful to the Lord for being patient with me.  It took me a while to "grow up" enough to be ready to get married.  At least that's how I look at it now.  I went for quite a few years wondering if I would ever marry.  I felt at one time I had found someone and we spent a lot of time getting to know each other.  I will always treasure the lessons I learned from those years.  I still believe I would have had the world by the tail if we would have gotten married, but it just never got to that point.  I truly believe that both parties need to be ready to make the commitment and one should not force the other into something they may not be ready to commit to.  That was somewhat my situation.  I had asked the Lord about it and felt I had received my answer.  I spent years thinking that it would work out and that we would marry.  I even suggested we could "elope" to the Snowflake Temple and then tell family about it later.  Well - it just wasn't to be, I guess.  But - you know - I still love him and I always will - BUT - it is in its proper place - he is my friend and I cherish that. 

 I now have someone who is my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my sounding post, my ROCK.  I have never met someone so supportive, so understanding and so PATIENT.  He is WONDERFUL!  I pray constantly that I will be worthy of the love Nick shares with me.  I know I have been a disappointment in some categories, but I haven't heard one complaint.  That makes me love him even more.  When we said "yes" at the alter, we chose to accept each other with all of our strengths and our weaknesses.  Nick has shown me things about myself, through his kindness and support, that have made me a much stronger person.  He makes me feel that I can accomplish anything.  He loves my family.  That is probably one of the most wonderful things about him, is he really does love my Mom and Dad as if they were his own.  He loves and appreciates my brothers and sister as they were his own.  He loves their kids.  He is one of Payt's favorite uncles and that has been fun watching them together.

Well, I guess I just wanted to put these feelings down - mainly for myself.  I just am feeling more fortunate each day for making the decision to live the rest of my life with Nick.  I hope to have many years of showing him how much I truly love him.

I know that these things I write down are wide open for everyone and anyone to read.  I just want you to know that whatever I share here, comes from my heart.  Sometimes I may vent, but I don't put things in here that are meant to hurt anyone.  If I have offended anyone, please accept my apology.  I want to build - not tear down.  Please let me know if I need to make things right with you.

OK - enough!!!!  I'm going to go back to bed and try to get some sleep!  Take care!

Tawna

Experiences....

You know, it's amazing how time goes by and things get shoved aside.  I apologize to all of you for not keeping up with this.  

The last couple of months have gone by so quickly.  I am amazed that we are just about to the middle of February.  Life has continued and lots of things have happened.

I will try to share some feelings here that I hope no one will be offended with, but they come from my heart.

(I would suggest you turn off the music I have on this blog at this time.  It isn't exactly the right type of music for this posting.  You can turn it on when you feel like later, but I don't have the right feeling of music for this one as it is a little more "sacred" than the music I offer here.  Thanks!)

A couple of weeks ago, our stake had a special conference.  We had a visit from Elder David A. Bednar.  He was down here in Arizona for other purposes, but requested to meet with our stake because our stake had not had an Apostle visit in many years.  Nick and I went early so we could get decent seats.  We got there at around 7:30 am and already found a few people waiting to get into the building.  As we waited, I got to thinking about what a wonderful opportunity this was to have an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ meet with us and that we were going to be able to be taught something important.  

The meeting started at 10:00 am.  Elder Bednar was in charge of the meeting and had requested to hear from our Stake President and his wife, then a couple of youth - a Laurel and a Priest, then we were favored to hear from Sister Bednar.  After we sang the intermediate hymn, Elder Bednar stood and began to teach.  I can't describe to you the feelings that were going on in my soul, but it was great!  

There was one thing mentioned in his talk that has stuck out in my mind very clearly.  He told a story of a young man he had become very close friends with.  The young man went on a mission and then came home and got married.  He and his wife had been married for a few short months and he was diagnosed with a quick spreading form of leukemia.  This young man called Elder Bednar to come to the hospital and give him a blessing.  Elder Bednar went to the hospital and visited with the young man for a little and then asked him a question.  They talked about faith and how important faith is in our lives and how having faith can heal, etc., then he asked this:  "Do you have enough faith NOT to be healed?"  He told the young man to reflect on this question and call him back if he still wanted a blessing.  A few days later, he got the phone call to come back, the young man wanted a blessing.  So Elder Bednar did return and laid his hands on his head and gave him a blessing.  Elder Bednar said he was not going to tell us the outcome, because that was not the point of his telling the story - the point was the question - Do we have enough faith NOT to be healed - do we have enough faith to live with the things we are dealt?  Do we have enough faith to endure to the end in whatever "test" we given - be it a health issue, a financial issue, a spiritual issue - it really doesn't matter - do we have enough faith to live through it?

I have reflected on this for the last couple of weeks and have asked myself over and over again, DO I HAVE ENOUGH FAITH TO ENDURE?  The Lord has blessed me so much.  I think about how He has spared me from having to go through a stroke or a heart attack, or something like that.  As I have sat in a hospital room dealing with blood clots and seeing how the Lord has permitted me to "dodge that bullet."  He has permitted me to stay whole, to be able to share my life with my loved ones, to be able to share my testimony through word and through my playing the violin.  He has given me opportunities to meet wonderful people and share my love for life with them.  AM I WORTHY OF THESE BLESSINGS?  WOW!!!!!

About a week after that visit from Elder Bednar, Nick and I had the privilege of attending a missionary meeting with Elder L. Tom Perry.  Again, it was wonderful!  I learned a lot in these meetings.  I also learned a little more about these two men.  They are true Apostles of the Lord.  They showed us that they have great senses of humor, that they have lived exemplary lives and that they love the Lord and His church.  That they love us.  It was neat to sit at their feet and be taught.  This also reminded me that these men are real.  Because of the growth of the Church, we don't get to meet directly with the Apostles like we used to and they have to use other means to teach us - mainly television and satellite (sp?), etc.  We only get to see them on a flat screen like watching a movie or something.  But, they are REAL.  Just as Joseph Smith is REAL.  The things he experienced were and are REAL - the Book of Mormon is REAL - it talks about REAL PEOPLE - they really did live and experience those things.  Joseph really did see God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.  THEY ARE REAL!  This is one of the most awesome and humbling truths that we have received.

Well, I know you are wondering why I have included all of that in my blog.  It's just that I love every one of you and am so grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to have had some kind of relationship with each of you.  I just have to share my feelings every now and then and thought this wouldn't hurt to do it here.  If anyone is offended, I am sorry.  Please know that I only mean to share how I feel and if you know me well enough, I will share my feelings about the Savior and His plan whenever I get the chance.

The Lord bless you all.

Tawna