Oh well! I guess I've heard that the older you get the less sleep you need..... Yikes! If it has already started, I'm in trouble - won't be sleeping at all by the time I'm 60!!!!!!!!!!
I've been having some fun catching up with friends on FaceBook. I have been able to be in contact with two of my companions from my mission and also a couple of other missionaries that were out the same time as myself. This has been fun.
Memories! What can I say. There are so many that flood my mind. I need a new filing system! I do have to say that most of my memories tend to be in the good range. It seems I have heard also that the older you get the better your memories are to you - meaning that most of the happy ones remain while the sad ones blur. At least in my mind, this is mostly the case. I have so many good memories.
Yes - I have some memories I would rather forget that continue to sneak in, but they are far and few between. Memories from my childhood and growing up - learning about myself and what I felt was important at the time. Wishing I were more accepted and then finding out years later that it wasn't as bad as I remembered - at least that's what everyone tells me. But I do remember that if I wouldn't have had some of those times of not being accepted, I wouldn't have had the awesome experience of learning my violin and having it become my best friend.
As I sit here and reflect on that one particular part of my life - my violin - I am so grateful to the Lord for letting me have a taste of true love - music. I remember how excited I was when Uncle Melvin started me on the violin. My cousin, Mitzi, started with me and I remember going over to her house and pulling out the violins and comparing each one to the other and blowing on the tuning horn on the end of the instrument - thinking this was going to make us great violinists. I had a gray case and she had a brown one. I figured I had the coolest instrument. But, as we began to learn to play, I could see she was playing better than me. She really was. I remember feeling pretty stupid as we would go to orchestra and I was sitting last seat because I couldn't play. I would go home and try to practice. I would hear Daddy asking Mama, "who's strangling the cat?" "When is she going to play like Melvin?" And so on. I know he wasn't trying to be mean, but thank goodness for my Mom - she would convince Daddy that I would learn how to play and to leave so that it wouldn't make me feel bad that I couldn't right now.
I remember one day at orchestra when Uncle Melvin announced we were going to have challenges. He then came up to me and said that "tomorrow, you will challenge Donna Lee." I remember looking at him and thinking, "you are completely nuts! Donna Lee is sitting first chair - there is no way I can challenge her!" He again told me that that was what was going to happen. I went home and practiced - and practiced - and practiced. That following day, we were all together in the orchestra room (which was located on the second floor of the old Haywood building that was torn down years ago) and all were on pins and needles. I was 10 years old - fifth grader. Donna Lee had already been playing for at least a year or two and I can still remember the feeling of dread and fear that almost made me run for home. Well - my turn came. I could see some of the other kids looking at me and probably thinking this was going to be a quick and easy "death." Uncle Melvin positioned himself so he could not see us - we chose which would play first and we began. Uncle Melvin would always hold up a hand and would raise a finger each time someone would hit a wrong note, so everyone was watching as this "battle" began. I played first - and to my surprise, there were no fingers raised. Talk about surprise - I was dumbfounded. Well, then Donna Lee played. I watched Uncle Melvin's had with hope and then saw no fingers go up. Oh, no! Now what? She played it perfect. See - there was no way I was going to win over her.
Uncle Melvin then announced that we would play something else out of the book that neither of us had played before. SIGHT READING! HEAVEN HELP ME! I KNEW IT WAS OVER!!!
We looked at each other, made the decision as to who would play first and we began. Donna Lee played first this time. By the way - I know Uncle Melvin could tell who was playing. There is no doubt! Anyhow, I watched his hand..... one finger..... two fingers..... three fingers! Now it was my turn. I was shaking so bad I don't even remember if my fingers or the bow were even hitting the strings. I watched out of the corner of my eye - I played.... one finger.... two fingers.... I knew it was just a matter of two more notes and I was out of there.... I finished and looked and saw only two fingers raised. WHAT? I had bested the best? NO WAY! I remember seeing Donna Lee's face. She wasn't happy. Everyone else in the room was stunned silent. Uncle Melvin then informed everyone that on Monday, Tawna was going to occupy the first seat in the violin section. Whoa! I couldn't believe what I was hearing, seeing, feeling.....
That was when I finally felt that there was something I could do. I had been feeling like I was not as pretty as others, that I was dumb, that I wasn't really wanted as a friend to anyone and then to have this happen, it gave me a sense of accomplishment that I truly needed at the time.
I don't know if Uncle Melvin did that on purpose or not, but I do know that it gave me the confidence to learn all I could about that instrument and made me feel good about myself. Through the years, that violin has saved me more times than I can mention. When I would come home feeling pretty beat up over something that happened at school or whatever, I would go into my room and pull out my violin and have a regular "cryfest" and would "talk" to my violin and would play and play and play. It became my best friend in the whole world. It never made me feel inferior. It never made me feel I wasn't pretty. It always made me feel like I was someone important and that it loved me as much as I loved it.
I know this sounds pretty crazy, but, I have to say that the blessing of music in my life, the blessing of that precious violin has made my life a thing of wonder and happiness. I haven't been without challenges, but because of what I learned through my using my violin, I have been able to come out on top of things.
When I first moved down here to Gilbert with Nick, we used to go over to my sister's home on Sunday evenings and I would play my violin out on the front yard and the kids would play and listen - neighbors would stop by - everyone would try to "stump" the fiddler. It was a lot of fun. Then weather got too warm and then life kind of took over and we didn't continue. Well, Nick asked me if I would consider doing that here at our place in Mesa. I thought - well - I guess the neighbors won't mind too much. Nick called some of our neighbors and told them that we would be outside on Sunday evening and if they wanted to come over and listen that they were invited. We had our next-door neighbor and our neighbors from across the street come over and we played until it got too late and started getting cold. The next Sunday, we did the same and more people came over. Well - tonight we will be doing the same and from what I heard from last Sunday, we should have a small crowd. This has been fun. I can only hope that I can keep the Spirit with me as I play and that it will touch those that listen.
The Spirit of the Lord is real. He accompanies those that live the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I feel so very fortunate that the Lord has given me a unique voice in sharing His truths and I pray that the love I have found with music spills over to those that listen.
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving me opportunity to serve. Thank you, Uncle Melvin for believing in me. Thank you, Mama and Daddy, for your support throughout the years. Thank you, my sister and brothers, for your patience with me in my pursuits. Thank you, Nick, for being so supportive of me and my love of sharing. Thank all the rest of you for loving me, too.
Until the next post - take care and I love you!
Tawna
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