Changes

I have let this go by again a little too long.  

Had an interesting Sunday evening last Sunday - it was almost too windy to go out and play my violin, but we had people say they were going to be there, so we couldn't let them down.  We had a handful of folks stop by, but the doggone wind was a little too much and it started to get a little chilly.  The missionary sisters came by also and they kept asking for more and more hymns and songs.  One of the sisters asked if I knew the song "Homeward Bound."  She started singing it to me, and I recognized it a little, but wasn't quite sure if I really knew it.  So she has challenged me to learn it.  I just don't know where to find it and if I would be finding the right one.  Hummmmm.

Well, folks, it's time for a change.  I need one desperately.  For the next few weeks, I'm going to try to make some changes.  I will let you know how they are going and what they are as time goes by.  But - I need to do something for myself and my family.  

I have had an opportunity kind of "dropped" in my lap and I need to prepare myself for it.  I have a cousin that lives in Russia and is building a titanium plant for his company.  I was talking with his wife over "FaceBook" and she asked me a really loaded question.  I had been telling her a little bit about my husband and she asked if he had any children.  Well - had to answer "no" because we don't.  I have many nephews and nieces that are just like my own, but they don't really belong to me and Nick.  There was a point at the beginning of our marriage that I thought I was pregnant - had all the signs - and then I think I lost it.  I talked with the doctor and he said everything pointed to a miscarriage - a very early one.  So - there wasn't anything after that and things have been kind of changing, so it looks like I ain't goin' to be the one that makes us parents.

Well - Christine stopped me in my tracks by telling me about a young boy she knew in an orphanage there in Russia.  His name is Roman.  He is five years old.  She sent me pictures and he is really cute.  She commented that she had fallen in love with this little guy and had tried to get him a home with a family earlier, but the family ended up adopting from the States.  So - Roman was left alone again.  She asked me to talk with Nick about it.  As soon as I mentioned it, Nick said, "How long and how much - let's get it done."

You know - I have always wanted my own family.  When I received my Patriarchal Blessing, it stated that I would have children and I would raise them in the Gospel... so I always counted on that to happen.  Well, as time has gone by, I missed my opportunity to bring children into this world and I have had moments of sadness overcome me at times - but because I know what to look forward to - that there is going to be a time when I will be able to have children and raise them in the Gospel - I have not despaired.  I have put my trust in the Lord on this one.

Because my mother had difficulties, it did not stop my parents from bringing children into our family by other means.  I have the most awesome brothers and sister that anyone could have.  Each one of them has brought a lot of joy into my life.  I don't have any idea what I would have done if my folks wouldn't have shared these kids with me.  I have one brother that is dealing with choices that have put him in a place where he can do a lot of thinking.  I can remember when he was brought into our home.  I can remember being in the court room when his birth mother was trying to get him back and I had to chase him around the room in his walker.  He was so cute.  I remember when we would play out in the back yard with our Tonka toys and building towns and roads and stuff together.  I remember riding horses for Daddy and training them to mind - going up and down Brimhall's mounds of dirt and sand - and riding fast out at the reservoir.  I remember his working with his horse, "Chasing Bear."  I remember swapping him chores - when it was cold outside, he didn't want to milk the cow - and I didn't want to do the dishes - so I would trade him and I would go out and milk the cow.  I know that sounds absolutely crazy, but anything was better than washing dishes!!!

My life with my brother Dallas was good.  We had a lot of moments where we disagreed with each other.  We had many times when things were hard, but I loved him and still do.  He has a lot of wonderful qualities.  I pray for him that he will see what he has had and will come back to us with a willing heart.  I could go on, but I want to mention my younger brother and sister.

Shea came into my life when I was 9 years old.  He was so cute!!!  Mama let me do a lot of the taking care of him.  We had our foster sister Rosemary living with us at the time and she took some of that responsibility also.  Shea wanted to be like Daddy.  He would mimic Daddy in just about everything he would do.  He loved to go out to the corral and watch Daddy with the horses.  He was very smart and he learned very quickly how to handle a horse and go and help us work the cows with Grandaddy and Uncle Glen.  He has always been one that wanted to do what was right.  You could never get him to budge on anything if it sounded like it had the slightest chance of being wrong.  He had to sleep in the same bed with his older brother - and still lives to tell about it.  If you have ever slept on the old water beds, you will know what I am talking about - you move, so does everyone else and if he just made a twitch, he was told if he wanted to live he had better not move again.....  He survived - but not without some trauma from it.

Shea was about 3 or 3 and a half when he went to Mama and asked her to tell Daddy to go out in the field and bring home a baby sister.  He had been going out with Daddy when the foals were being born and he figured that was where you got babies - so he asked Mama for that.  Mom told him that we didn't get babies from the field - he wanted to know where and so Mama told him we had to ask Heavenly Father.  Right then and there, he had Mama kneel down by the bed and pray for a baby sister.  My mother wasn't sure what to think of it - she couldn't have any more children and there had not been any prospects for any otherwise.  But she added her prayer to his and it wasn't very long before Shea's prayer was answered.

Lilli came into our lives with a bang.  She is our little firecracker - born on the 4th of July.  My folks had only a couple of weeks to prepare for her coming, but what a thrill it was to see her for the first time.  She was so small.  I was 13 and again, Mama let me do a lot of the taking care of this little ball of fun.  She was so cute.  My Dad's sisters and sister-in-law had baby boys that year and so Lilly was "in charge" of her younger boy cousins.  And let me tell you - she was IN CHARGE!  It was always so funny to see how she handled them.  She always loved little babies and even when the baby was almost as big as her, she would put that kid on her hip and carry them around just like she knew exactly what was to be done.

Lilli got to go us to pick my cousin Deon from her mission in Finland.  I am so glad she came along.  We went all over London, went up to Preston England and then rode the Eurail through Europe up to Denmark then up to Sweden and then over to Finland then back to Amsterdam and flew home.  We have had some good laughs at the memories of that trip.  I have had a lot of fun with her and still do!

Each of these kids have brought joy to our family.  And as I think about possibilities, I can think of what a joy a child would be in our home.  I don't know how we could do it, but I know that the Lord is very mindful of us and all of His children.  If we can prove worthy of this blessing, we welcome it with open arms and lots of love.  I know that it doesn't matter which way they come, they are an important part of a family and add so much.  I just hope I can be worthy of this blessing in this lifetime and that I can be the kind of mother my mother was to me.  I had the best!  Now I know you will all say your mother was the best - but hey - this is my blog and I say my Mom was the best!!!!  HA!

OK - I've cried enough today!  I just wanted to put down a few of my feelings.  I know I'm all over the place with my thoughts, but I appreciate your patience in reading these.  I am a product of my family and my friends and I thank all of you for being there for me.

Love you!

Tawna